Stop Saying and Doing These Things to Look More Confident
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Your vision is to communicate with teams and coworkers in a way that commands respect, confidence, and authority. However, there are words and phrases that you may use daily that are actually taking away from your message and conveying your message in a way you didn’t intend. This article is going to go through these major words and phrases that should be phased out of your vocabulary along with suggestions for body language you should consider in delivering your message effectively.
11 messages you are conveying, and ways to turn them around
These are eleven of the most common messages you are presenting by saying these phrases and the better way to say it so that you are presenting a confident persona.
1. You give permission to dismiss you immediately.
If you are about to offer a suggestion as to how to do something as an example and you say something at the start of your statement like “This may not work...” you are showing you aren't confident in your idea.
A better way is to say your idea with no introduction to it like the one above that makes people think it is not as valuable as it is.
2. You come off weak and apologetic.
If you say “I just think we would be better off purchasing from Amazon.” The word just turns statements into an apologetic tone, making it weaker.
A better way is to say confidently “We would be better off purchasing from Amazon.”
3. You suggest you’ve done something wrong.
If you say “I’m sorry I don’t understand, can you explain again?” The word sorry makes it sound like you did something wrong. If you were rude, mean, or made a mistake, by all means, use the word sorry, but make sure it’s only for those reasons.
A better way is to say “I don’t quite understand, can you explain again?”
4. You aren’t doing things of your own free will.
If you say “I have to meet with the team later today” rather than “I want to meet with the team later today” you are projecting the message that you’re not in charge of what you are doing. Saying you want to show ownership of what you are going to do.
5. You dilute your accomplishments.
If you say “I think this project is going well” or “I guess this project is going well” it makes you sound weaker and it dilutes the fact that the project is going well.
A better way to say it would be “The project is going well.”
6. You imply your opinion isn’t important.
If you say things like “I’m not an expert in this but…” you make it sound as though your opinion isn’t valid. You would only say something like that if someone is asking you to do heart surgery and you need to explain why you shouldn’t because you're not a heart surgeon.
Simply stating your opinion without the “I’m not an expert” is a better route.
7. You appear to doubt your own ability.
If you say “I’ll try to get the report completed today” you are suggesting you don’t have confidence in your abilities.
A better way to say it would be “I’ll get the report completed tomorrow at the latest.”
8. You suggest you aren’t communicating clearly.
If you say “Am I making sense” or “Does that make sense” it may seem logical to check that people are following what you’re saying but what it actually does is suggest you don’t think you are communicating clearly. The other possibility is that people will think you are condescending.
A better way to say this would be “Let me know your thoughts.” This allows the recipient to be the one to decide if the message makes sense.
9. You signal that you disagree with someone.
If you say “I like this idea but we should look into it further.” This signals that you are in opposition with the person. A way to change that is to use the word and instead of but.
A better way to say this would be “I like this idea and we should look into it further.”
A similar example is a leader speaking with an employee. “Thanks for your idea but I think we should…” This is saying that you don’t value their idea and you’re going to do it your way. You could instead say “I’ve considered your idea and I still believe in my decision.”
10. You lack conviction, discipline, and mindfulness.
Don’t end a statement with your voice going up in pitch like you’re asking a question. When you make a statement, make a statement, and don’t let your voice get higher at the end.
11. You suggest you are an emotional person.
If you say “I feel happy about this project,” having “I feel” or "I feel like" in statements suggests you may base things on emotion or moods.
A better way to say it would be “I am happy with this project.”
8 body language tips to consider in how to deliver the phrases and for general communication
Now you have a list of phrases to rework to appear more confident, so consider implementing these body language tips as well so the message comes out authoritative. If you change the phrases around but yet look down at the floor when saying it, it's still not going to be delivered in a positive way.
Eye contact
Eye contact shows interest in the person you are communicating with and ideally, about 60% of the time in an interaction you will have eye contact. Make sure your face matches your eyes, matches your message as well. If you have eye contact but a mismatched facial expression, that won't help your message.
Posture
Standing up straight and leaning forward shows interest and attention. It’s common for people with anxiety to leave more space or to slump a bit to be in a protective space, but it’s important to not do that because it can make people feel you are not interested or wanting to leave the conversation.
Keep eyes and head up
Make sure you aren’t looking down at the ground, and keep your eyes forward to look confident.
Don't fidget
If you fidget, it shows you are nervous and can make it hard to get your message across confidently.
Keep your hands out of pockets
Even though you might think pockets are a safe bet for your nervous hands, it actually takes away from your message like fidgeting and you won’t look confident.
Slow your movements
Slow your hand gestures and even your walking to show more confidence. Taking longer strides can help with that and show more authority in step.
Watch your hands
Don’t touch your face or neck, that shows nervousness or that you are afraid. Confident people don't fidget or touch your face, hair, or neck.
Firm handshake
Confidence is seen in a firm handshake. Even as a woman, it’s common to be unsure of whether a firm handshake is needed or not, but going right in for a firm handshake is a sign of confidence.
In summary, these are a lot of phrases to consider revising in daily conversation and communication. There are also a lot of body language habits to think about breaking that show a lack of confidence and nervousness. I recommend taking one at a time that you know you say and trying to work on changing it up.
Written by Nicole Hullihen, March 13th, 2022