5 Key Areas of Emotional Intelligence or EQ & Improving Yours

Your vision is strong emotional intelligence.

Ideally, all levels in your organization would be strong in EQ and able to respond calmly and logically to conflict.

The dilemma is you notice that you have had managers in the past who seem to be completely unaffected by issues that arise, while others react quite strongly. Have you thought about why that might be and emotional intelligence or EQ? You feel frustrated with your team when things aren't going as expected, and at times, it’s clear to others. They can sense it by the tone of voice, body language, and an overall change in how you interact. But what do you think people respond better to? A manager who can talk things out or the manager who is feared and avoided at all costs when things get difficult? The older style of management was yelling and making people fear not doing the right thing.

The case is a sales director-level title in a mid-size business that often responds poorly to conflict.

For the most part, this sales director gets along with almost everyone; however, everyone is aware that when things go south with a customer, you can sometimes hear the yelling through a closed door. The team is, of course, on edge after this, and they do their best the rest of the day to avoid the director, but really, they aren’t more productive; they just spend a day or two trying to stay under the radar. So did anything get accomplished with this style? I would argue no. It’s possible that if the team felt safe to bring up issues ahead of time, then these types of blow-ups may not happen because communication may have solved the issue before it got too large. The other possibility, though, is that this director should be reflecting on his responses and understanding within himself why he responds the way he does. Is this director capable of assessing the actual situation if the instant reaction is to yell? How are his employees supposed to bring up issues in a proactive way?

The solution is to take a look at where the level of emotional intelligence is at.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others around you. Why would this matter at work? Emotions change the way the brain functions. To resolve conflict, motivate others, facilitate collaboration, and build psychological safety, emotions must be in check.

For the purpose of this article, we are going to walk through Daniel Goleman’s elements of emotional intelligence, thinking of whether you would score high or low.

The five key areas of emotional intelligence are:

1. Self-awareness

If you were to score highly on self-awareness, it would be because you know how you feel and how your emotions and reactions are felt by the people around you. You can adapt to changes, and you have a grip on impulsive feelings.

If you were to score low, you could improve this by beginning to journal how you respond to various situations. Note what was happening, who was present, how you felt, how you responded, and how they responded. Look for trends over a period of time. Spend some time thinking about why you responded the way you did.

2. Self-Regulation

If you were to score highly on self-regulation, it would be because you can evaluate a situation and stay in control. You wouldn’t be someone known for verbal attacks, you don’t rush decisions on people, and you’re in control.

If you were to score low, you could take some time to look at your values to know where you stand on moral and ethical decisions. You could look inside at holding yourself accountable rather than immediately blaming other people for things that go wrong. You could also practice the ability to stay calm. There are many articles out there for this, but meditation, deep breathing, and coming up with other ways to relieve stress rather than yelling at people are some places to start. You could even try writing down your frustrations, to be thrown away later, so that you aren’t actually directing these at people.

3. Motivation

If you were to score highly on motivation, it would be because you have goals, you are focused on reaching those goals, and you have high standards for your work.

If you were to score low, you might want to look at your job and whether you're happy with it. Motivated people usually have a glass-half-full mindset. While that can be challenging, if you start to try to find one positive in every fail or challenge you to have, you may start to not only find the positive but view it as an opportunity and learn from it.

4. Empathy

If you were to score highly on empathy, it would be because you listen to people, you can put yourself in their shoes, and you can give constructive feedback.

If you were to score low, you could improve this by stopping in a frustrating situation to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to see where they are coming from. It likely has nothing to do with you. Start looking at your body language and whether you are giving the warm, receptive, and listening response. Show appreciation to people when you see they aren’t feeling the best either about their job or the situation because they are tired or have other things going on.

5. Social Skills

If you were to score highly on social skills, you are good at getting your team to support new projects, you can resolve conflicts quickly, and they set a positive example for the team.

If you were to score low, it’s because you may not do well with resolving conflict, you may not be showing appreciation to others, and you may need help in improving your communication skills.

Start by taking at least one of these five elements and incorporating it into your responses to people and commenting on how it went!

Learn more about how I can help.

Written by Nicole Hullihen, July 9th, 2021

Recommended references to learn more about emotional intelligence.

MindTools. (n.d.). Emotional Intelligence in Leadership. MindTools.Retrieved from https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_45.htm.

IHHP. (2019). Meaning of Emotional Intelligence. The Institute for Health and Human Potential. Retrieved from https://www.ihhp.com/meaning-of-emotional-intelligence/.

Segal, J., Smith, M., Robinson, L., and Shubin, J. (2020, Oct). Emotional Intelligence. HelpGuide.org. Retrieved from https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/emotional-intelligence-eq.htm#.